“WELL, what do you know,” announced Luke as he hurried into the local Pub & Grill, “Pres Cyril Ramaphosa has appointed a Cabinet-level task team to sort out South Africa’s water crisis, hard at work as we speak.”
“That’s not news, that’s a joke!” interrupted Jon the Joker. “Old ANC trick: When the problem is serious, appoint a committee and move along – no problem.”
“Patience, Jon, patience,” exasperated Luke, “and stop stealing my line. As I was almost saying, Deputy President Paul Mashatile, no less, is leading the rescue team of five Cabinet ministers, including Cele at Police – crime is everywhere in Mzansi. Unlike water.
“And please note: No Anthony Turton, who knows more about the water crisis than the Cabinet combined.”
“What’s the point,” growled Big Ben, who doesn’t take kindly to digs at the ANC.
“Exactly!” agreed Luke the Dude to Ben’s surprise. “The only news here is that this is happening now instead of at least a decade ago.”
“Why, what happened in 2014?” asked Miss Lily curiously.
“Ah, the right question, my dear,” charmed Luke, “allow me to take you there:
“At the northern town of Brits, four people were killed in a protest about water.
“In Bloemfontein, schools were closed because they had no water and large parts of the city were dry. Its major supply dam was 90% silted up.
“Beaufort West survived on water trucked in and water delivered bottle by bottle by concerned travellers.
“The list goes on – while Water Affairs Minister Edna Molewa said most of the country’s water problems could easily be fixed.”
“But as we know, that did not happen. On the contrary,” frowned Miss Lily.
“Useless!” agreed Jon the Joker, “nothing changed.”
“Correct,” approved Luke. “So let me take you further back, to 2008. Currently a professor at the University of the Free State, Dr Turton was then a researcher at the CSIR, preparing to deliver the keynote address at a CSIR conference on A Clean South Africa.
“In essence, he was going to say South Africa had no more surplus water ‘and all future economic development (and thus social wellbeing) will be constrained by this one fundamental fact that few have as yet grasped’.
“He identified three strategic challenges in detail: sustainability, human health and surviving climate change.”
“But he didn’t get to say any of that, did he Boyo?” smiled Colin the Golfer, who knows things.
“Indeed so,” nodded Luke academically. “The cadres in charge cancelled the keynote address when they saw its unflattering facts. When Turton answered media questions about the cancelled presentation, they fired him.
“So, here we are in 2024 and South Africa still has not dealt with her existential water crisis. Instead, we get another task team,” concluded Luke.
“Useless,” muttered Bill the Beard, “a round please, Governor!”
“And now for today’s good news!” insisted The Prof from behind his pipe. “Elections are due next month. Please mark your diary for Wednesday, 29 May – and remind your family and friends. Every vote counts.”
With those wise words, we raised our glasses and sang Flower of Scotland. Yes, we do that a lot.
Email: noag@maxitec.co.za
