“RIGHT,” announced Luke the Dude, “the rugby is over and done with, let’s move on to something less excitable.” The usual conference of caustic conversationalists was meeting at the local Pub & Grill to straighten out our town, our province and, as always, the world.
“Well, if you can handle any more good cheer,” grouched Bob the Book, “it’s summertime next month, with GP cars strangling the roads while gemütliche Germans and jolly Brits pack the eateries and drinkeries …”
“You don’t have to worry about the Pub & Grill,” soothed Jon the Joker, “one look at your welcoming Scottish scowl will drive them homeward to think again.”
“I agree,” grinned Miss Lily, “That first game of the World Cup (Bokke vs Scotland – Ed.) is obviously still hurting in some places. Come on Bob, show some of the hospitality for which the Cape is famous.”
“Ha!” guffawed Robert the Brute, “welcomed with open arms, mark my words, by roaming hijackers, pick-pockets and pirate taxis!”
“On the contrary,” smiled Miss Lily sweetly. “Let me give you the facts: The Western Cape last month won eight, yes eight, of the 2023 World Travel Awards Africa, including Leading City Destination, Leading Luxury Hotel and Leading Sports Resort. Of course we will have visitors flocking to our shores from all over the country and the world.”
“Viva,” agreed Bill the Beard cheerfully, “don’t act The Grump, think what that means for local business, our economy and job creation. Those benefits are in short supply in the rest of Mzansi, even the once world-leading mining sector – where greedy government red tape is throttling out the prosperity.
“So cheers to the DA’s Shadow Minister of Tourism, Manny de Freitas, who is now pushing, with his usual magnanimity, for a government mechanism to export our local success in travel and tourism to other provinces.”
“Magnanimity…” pondered Big Ben with a grin that worried me, “not to mention his humility, of course…” Told you. Ben was once a candidate against the DA.
“Me, I don’t agree (Big Ben’s favourite expression),” I said to change the topic, while signalling The Governor for another round. “In fact, I emphatically disagree with the undemocratic rule made by Luke the Dude.”
“Me? Rule? What rule?” puzzled The Dude.
“That we should ‘move on to something less excitable’ than rugby,” I claimed. “In fact, I invite this convivial company to join me in the best spirit of rugby camaraderie while I honour a personal tradition, in fond memory of a late friend – a slayer of fork-tongued con-men, rescuer of benighted investors and joyful Cheetahs supporter.
“Put this round on my tab, please Governor.”
“While the glasses are being filled,” noted The Prof, “here are the new rankings. Entering the World Cup, Ireland, South Africa and France were leading. Now South Africa, Ireland and New Zealand are the top three, a slight swing from northern to southern hemisphere. The top 10 are even with New Zealand and France swopping places and England at 5, followed by Scotland, Argentina, Wales, Australia and Fiji in that order.”
Having thus had our daily dose of facts, we raised our glasses, shouted “Viva Bokke!” and “Up the 1-point Rassie!” and sang Shosholoza plus home versions of Flower of Scotland into the night:
We stood and faced him: Proud Haka/Farrell’s/Obelix army
And sent him homeward, ta think again.
